Five

Five years ago I woke up at 7 AM on my parents' couch in their living room before my alarm on my phone rang.  I rolled off the couch and jumped onto the other couch on the other side of the room where Buck was sleeping and kissed him.  I then proceeded to eat a bowl of cereal, jump in the shower, and finally sat down in my little sister's room to start working on my hair.  Tons of people started stirring in the house as my nerves twinged more and more with excitement. Finally the time came to load everything and everyone into cars, making last minute grabs and what not.  Me and Buck climbed alone into his Jetta and set off with about 6 other cars to Manti. We were headed to the temple, to get married.  We had half an hour of quiet, with just the two of us talking about what was about to happen.  We didn't even turn on the radio and I remember saying a prayer in the car for the two of us as he drove.  We arrived and I remember just feeling so calm and ready. We were finally at the temple and I felt excited and didn't want to wait anymore!  Once inside, I felt like it took forever to get to the sealing room.  We had to do all the paperwork and stuff and change and get ready and I felt like it took forever.  I remember once in our sealing room with our family all around us, Buck was so nervous that he bounced his feet so his whole body kinda shook in a rhythm. So cute, he was nervous!  I looked at him, and just thought, 'Here we go. Eternity, for me and you' and was so overcome with happiness. I didn't cry though, I felt emotion beyond crying. Our sealer was one of my high school seminary teachers, Brother Slack, whom was quite popular among students.  He gave us sound advice and it was such a blessing to have him seal us. (Side note: 4 years after we were sealed, Buck's little sister and her husband were sealed in the Manti temple by Brother Slack as well, which was pretty awesome, I thought)  Once we were married and sealed, I felt liberated. We took pictures for an hour all around the temple, and then we jumped back into his Jetta and headed back to Fairview for our reception.  I wanted everything done and over with in one long, busy day so we had to get back.  We had a family luncheon and finished up just as the first guests started to arrive.  We spent 3 hours talking to people and then finally danced our first dance to our wedding song by Tim McGraw, I Know How To Love You Well.  This is when I cried. A little. If felt so good to be married to him. I then danced with my dad to Heartland's, I Loved Her First and my dad talked to me the whole time and he teared up at the end. This is when the tears really came for me. It was finally over, and time to go and I felt awesome.  I was running on super fuel or something, because I felt alive and awake! We bailed out of there in his trashed Jetta and headed off to Salt Lake to the Anniversary Inn.  Obviously I'll spare you the details, but I have two little stories that happened once we arrived to check in, after swinging through Wendy's Drive-Thru because we were starving but as it was almost midnight, nothing else was open.  First story is, as we were checking in, getting reading to pay the rest of the amount we owed on the room, the clerk told us that someone had added the coorperate discount to our room and we only owed less than half of what the room's original cost was.  We still to this day don't know who did that for us, but it was a very awesome wedding gift indeed!  We will never forget that.  The other story is, as we were checking in, another couple who had just been married came in and were standing behind us waiting their turn.  Stating the obvious, the other couple said to us, "Just Married eh? Us too" and we all kinda laughed and nodded and stuff.  Then the guy asks Buck, "Is that your car out there? The decorated Jetta?"  "Yeah" says Buck. And the guy starts going off about how the shaving cream that they used to decorate his car is AWFUL for the paint job and that we have to get if off of there PRONTO or it would eat the paint and ruin his car.  He said that people also decorated his truck with shaving cream and the first thing they did after they left their reception was run through the car wash, and he suggested that Buck hurry and go wash his car that very moment because it would be bad to leave it sitting there all night.  Buck just kinda laughed at him and said, "Thanks dude, but I'll wash it tomorrow. I have other things on my mind." and grabbed my hand and we headed to our room. We died laughing and still laugh about it five years later. One of the best feeling I remember after that, was that I finally didn't have to say good night to Buck and go home and sleep alone. I could finally stay all night with him, and wake up to his face.  And five years later, I still love waking up to his face.  I'll be realistic and honest, I don't think we're in the Honeymoon Phase anymore. We're in what you could call, The Living Phase. But I like it just as much if not more.  I love knowing he's next to me all night long, but we roll away from each other and hardly touch each other all night.  In the morning, I love seeing his face, but it's morning breath and raspy grumbles of who stole covers all night as we come back together and kiss good morning and playfully argue who gets to go get Kallan.  It's been the most difficult five years of my life. Our lives, because I know Buck would agree.  We've both said at different times we had no idea how hard marriage could be.  We fight, we argue, we get mad, we get feelings hurt, we get caught up and forget things, we've both let each other down at times, we've both wanted to even light each other on fire sometimes, but that's real.  It feels real. I feel like he knows me 100 percent. The raw, real, imperfect me.  He's changed me for the better, and no one can make me cry like he does, sad and happy.  But it's real and it's honest.  We also laugh, tease each other, surprise each other, call each other just to share something with the other, we cuddle, we hold hands, we ALWAYS kiss each other good bye even if it's just a short trip to the hardware store, tell each other everything, share everything, pray together, and enjoy each other's company.  We know what's important, and even though we both want very different things and have totally different dreams, and couldn't be more opposite than oil and water (and believe me, this is very taxing on our marriage alone) we make it work. Because we know we can, and that we're supposed to.  Five years later, I can say that I'm truly happy and still in love with him, even if the Honeymoon Phase is long gone.  We're in the Family phase, where I have food on my shoulder and baby snot on my sleeve, yesterday's hair and makeup and pajama pants on for the entire day.  But I'm happy, and wouldn't trade it, and he loves the imperfect me.  I truly feel his love, and he even does pretty good to show it. Buck has taught me alot in five years, and done even more for me but the best thing he's ever done for me is he gave me a son, and has given me another that will be here soon. He's made me a mother, and I can never thank him enough for that, and I love having a family with him.  He's an amazing father and watching him with Kallan makes me love him more than I ever did in our Honeymoon Phase. I'm so blessed that he chose me, and I'm beyond blessed to have the life that I have.  And if eternity is going to be as hard as these last five years have been then so be it, because although it's been hard, it's been an incredible journey and I'd rather have messy clothes and life lessons learned then to not have Buck or my family with me forever.  The good outweighs the bad and the difficult, and I'm ready for whatever else is meant to come my way. And even if I'm not ready, I'll get through it because Buck will be there with me. And that's all I could ask for.  Happy Anniversary Babe, I love you